Ciao -
So about 8 months ago, I checked out.
Not in the cute, overly advertised way either. I was checked OUT, completely over it, totally done, entirely fed up. With what, you may ask? Life. Sounds super dramatic, and it kind of is, but it also bears a lot of truth.
I had graduated from college a year early, an unbelievable task to manage and juggle, for this incredible job opportunity I had dreamed of and worked towards since I was a little girl. I was then told from said incredible job opportunity right after graduation, when I was supposed to start, to hang tight on the promised time line, so I did. I stayed in my college town, working two (and a half) jobs, and continuing my all too familiar trend of not nearly enough sleep, ever. After 6 months of waiting, the once incredible job opportunity ended up not happening, and I ended up completely burned out. Like I said, Checked. Out.
I also ended up in a decently depressed slump of ‘what in the actual hell do I do now’ as well as getting smacked in the face and knocked to my knees harder than I ever could imagined with what I like to call ‘Post D1 College Athlete Reality Check’.
Basically, what that meant for me, is I went from a lifetime of constant, grueling, high level athletics - performance, performance, performance, too suddenly, absolutely nothing. Suddenly, what I ate, how much, and when, how I worked out, how much, and when, how I spent my free time, doing what, and when, how I planned my upcoming days and weeks and months and years, doing what, how, and when, were no longer dependent upon my athletics. My body and lifestyle were purely a vessel for my performance: my serve percentage, my dig tally, my sprint time. My body was a well oiled machine that took a lifetime of dedication and sacrifice to build, and that was all I ever knew.
Fast forward a couple months after graduation and retirement, I suddenly found myself not even knowing what kind of movement I enjoyed, what kind of workouts I liked, what my body was meant to do when I had nothing to perform for, what my body was supposed to look like, what I should be eating, how I should be eating. I got kicked back into the regular world where people had no idea what it took to get where I went and the sacrifices required to hang in there, and it was a hard pill to swallow.
Let’s just say that’s the short version, and I spared you the gory details. Half of my hair fell out (this time, I wish I was being dramatic), I suddenly had horrible symptoms from my birth control, I was sick of working the two (and a half) jobs, and always being absolutely exhausted.
So, I chopped 9 inches off my hair, got my birth control out, quit my jobs and found a new amazing one, moved to Chicago with family, am slowing but surely figuring out my body with no labels or expectations, and am now back full circle to a passion of mine: writing and sharing what I have found through my love of learning.
I really don’t say any of that for a woe is me sob story; I actually struggle with sharing any kind of vulnerable, personal information. I also cherish my college athlete days in such a special way, and I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. I just felt it needed to be acknowledged how much of a struggle it can be to transition to a life where athletics are not the core of your existence. Plus, sometimes hearing about other peoples issues make me feel better about my own, or at the very least, make me feel like I'm not the only one who doesn't have it all figured out. Yeah, you’re welcome.
So I’m back, and definitely better than ever, in the most humble, it was a shit show and I clawed myself back up, kind of way. Some words of encouragement for whoever could use it: the sun always shines after it rains, and the sun lets all of the growth that happened in the rain show beautifully. So hang in there, and keep fighting to figure out what lights you up and brings you joy, because it’s always worth it.
With all of that being said comes a very exciting new chapter I am so excited to share with you - I am starting a Health & Wellness Instagram platform. Starting this journey on Instagram is something I have wrestled with and kept coming back to for the longest time, so for lack of better words, I decided to finally go all in.
Click the link below to check out and follow my account; your support and your ability to share with others goes so so far.
I have found so many times in my life that when I stopped being afraid of the big scary dream but instead decided to go all out in pursuit of that dream, really good things happen, and I never regret a second of it. I am blessed to be working with amazing brands that I fully support with my own body, as well as a 100% clean and toxin free skincare/makeup brand called Crunchi that I am beyond thrilled about. There is so much good to come!
I am honored to have you here, reading my content, and I hope to continue to be an advocate for the lifestyle goal of not just surviving, but thriving.
See you every other Wednesday!
Food for thought,
Lai